There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
