Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
