so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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