oh god the rape fog is back!
People in love make me want to vomit
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
