I am full of burrito and curiosity
my shit smells like andre
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
