I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize