There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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