My room smells like vodka and shame
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
