I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
