Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
