Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
pray to the hookup gods
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
