weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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