Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
