what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Green mimosas i think yes
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
