I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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