Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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