first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
as a side note pls kill me
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
