Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
