You work out of a Hotel?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
