you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
