i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
