She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize