Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
