using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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