If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
