i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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