Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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