i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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