Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize