Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize