I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
