The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
