your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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