Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
