I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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