Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
