pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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