dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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