I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
