You smell like stripper and shame
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
