the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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