If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize
