so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
