And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
