We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize