it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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