The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
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