oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize