i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
