i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
