Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize