Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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