I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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