if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
