after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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