Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
