I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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