the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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