I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
