That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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