HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
