I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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