based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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