Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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