pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
