Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
