the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
MIDGETS
????
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
