What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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