Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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