was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
