My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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