Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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