Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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