How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
