Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she smelled like a LAN party
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
